The tree in my backyard falls more naked by the day and the sun continues to dip beneath the skyline earlier and earlier. Soon enough, the light will begin to linger a little longer and buds will poke out of the branches, as they always do. Life is swirling with change - everyone, everywhere is experiencing it all the time. I do my best to notice the shifts, embrace the not knowing.
I think back to when I first arrived in NYC nearly a decade ago - so youthful, with so much mystery ahead of me. All the places and people and systems I didn’t even know existed in the world have become a part of me, embedded in my days and my heart. I was younger then, excited by all the shifting changes and uncertainties. I work now to embody that curious, open energy as I look to the unknowns ahead of me now - the shifting, swirling change, essential to the human experience.
But it’s also easy to get caught up in the messiness and fear of impermanence. It’s empowering to realize all you can truly control is your own thoughts and actions, but it can also leave you with a low buzz of anxiety around all that’s left to fate. My heart can race thinking about how different life can look at the turn of a corner. So I work - with my clients and myself - to manage and embrace and simply be okay with the great unknowns, the blurry future. Here are a few ways of processing that I’ve found over the years can help ease the burden of fear and ground in acceptance of the unknown.
For something that’s essential for life, it can be awfully difficult to focus on your breath. But with practice, working with your breath can bring presence, a quieted mind, a calmed nervous system, greater clarity and focus. So begin small, maybe with simple box breathing before you get out of bed in the morning or maybe - right this moment - take a second to notice how your breath feels moving in and out of your nose and count as it goes in and out, up to four. Then keep on reading :)
Writing solely for yourself is a powerful way to get your thoughts and worries out of your body, a release of what you’re holding inside. My clients report that even a few minutes a day can bring a physical peace, like a heavy load lifting from their shoulders. Writing with free association - simply taking pen to paper and seeing what comes out - can show what’s on your mind and help make connections and realizations you wouldn’t have otherwise noticed. If it’s hard to find time, start with one sentence today then two tomorrow - keep going!
While you may not have control over the great unknowns of the future, you do have control over your own actions. Setting achievable goals and creating accountability for yourself (with a therapist, with a friend, with a system for yourself) helps empower you to keep moving forward in creating a life you’re happy living. Start small and work from there - what’s something you’ve been dreaming of doing, and what’s the first tiny step in getting yourself there? Do that this week!
My clients are such an inspiration, showing up for themselves in the therapy room week after week. It’s not always an easeful process, digging deep into yourself, opening up to another person who, firmly but gently, holds you accountable, uncovering what’s no longer serving you and working to make lasting changes. Doing the deep internal work with a therapist is hard, but the outcomes can be magical.
Reading through these exercises, was there one that made your heart jump a little at the possibility it may hold for you? Go with that! Schedule a time in the week ahead - put it in your calendar right now! - to take the first step in exploring it. Look up a simple meditation app, purchase a new journal (I like these), schedule a time to come up with one goal for the season ahead, email a therapist to set up a consult. The first step will spiral into many, many more.
May we all embrace moments of joy in the shifting seasons of life and find ways to be okay with the great unknowns.
** I have a couple of spaces for new clients in my psychotherapy practice, including EMDR therapy! You can find out more and schedule a free consult here. **
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