canyon wisdom
vulnerability and strength in the grandest natural wonder
Disconnecting from society while floating down a river in the depths of one of the natural wonders of the world brought up a lot to process. There was laughter in the rain and stargazing as I drifted to sleep and pure awe at the world we exist in. I spent the week feeling achingly vulnerable and deeply strong. Settling back home in my overstimulating city brought tears and feelings and grappling with momentous, life changing decisions. As I worked through all the emotions while starting to grow my client load for my therapy practice, I unintentionally took the longest break from writing I have in years. It feels comforting to ease back into my writing practice by sharing wisdom whispered to me from the canyon walls (along with a few shots on 35mm film).
I spent 8 days with no access to the outside world. As much as I try to spend time away from technology day to day, no service for an entire week felt like a dream come true. Allowing space for boredom away from distractions heightened my perceptions and enhanced my creativity. I spent countless hours creating installations on the beaches of the river, unattaching myself from the outcome of my work and simply allowing them to wash away while I slept. I sat on the sand wedging different canyon sediment together into clay, pinching it into tiny, wet pots that I left to dry in the desert sun. I whiled away time staring up at the twirling sky and soaking in the sun after rainstorms. This time spent pondering and noticing and creating work to be destroyed may seem a waste to our capitalist society, but it was meaningful and deeply moving to me. I hope to continue creating this type of space for my soul and practice.
Without my phone and other distractions to turn to in moments of discomfort or boredom, I found myself sitting with my feelings in a more intimate way than I do back home. At first it felt uncomfortable and wriggly, and then I started to feel a shift bringing me closer to myself. Riding the highs and lows without distraction allowed space to sink deeper into my feelings, processing them in a more meaningful way. A month back home and I’m still finding myself creating wider spaces for fuller processing. It’s not always easeful, but I’m closer to myself and wherever it is I’m heading.
Some parts of the canyon were billions (!!) of years old. Existing in this small fragment of time among pieces of ancient Earth that will stretch on long after I’m gone made me feel tiny, in an achingly beautiful way. Suddenly, a handful of life choices magnified and felt urgently important, while many of my problems shifted into mundanity. I’m here for such a short time and I’m the only one who has the power to make the most of it - to make a difference in others lives and be an intimate piece of beautiful communities and make art and live.
We (aka our guides) navigated a few very intense rapids throughout the week. Their skill carried us through safely, but many lives have been lost to the rushing water. We faced precarious cliff ledges and harsh, lightning-fueled weather systems all while holding an understanding of limited escape options if anything went wrong. Existing in nature makes it impossible to hide your humanity. You can worry your hours away, wondering what may go wrong, or you can surrender to the situation and focus on what’s in front of you. Future you will always have more information to deal with whatever is thrown your way, so hone your thoughts to your present and give way to trust.
My heartfelt gratitude to the Grand Canyon, it’s aching beauty and wisdom.
May we all have the courage to feel vulnerable and strong all at once.
i have a small handful of space for new clients in my therapy practice!
planning to do some swipe wiping
this exhibit was breathtaking, if you’re in nyc
these best friends hanging out brings me joy
happy to be back in my practice, grateful you are here. xo